Spoon Thief: A Humorous Poem Based on the Spoon Theory, an Explanation of Chronic Conditions

Invisible Illness RibbonYesterday I bottled the post “Spoon!” for your sipping pleasure.  It served as an introduction to chronic illness, pain, fatigue and other symptoms using The Spoon Lady’s, “Spoon Theory.”  As promised, here is a funny poem inspired by that theory.

Spoon Thief

boy with spoons on his headThere is a spoon thief creeping around.
He sneaks into homes without a sound.

He stole my table spoons, silver and shiny.
I didn’t even see him!  He must be so tiny.

And did you know?  That tricky conniver-
Must be like some kind of MacGyver.

For from my china cabinet, locked up tight-
He took the good silver, in the dead of the night!

I didn’t even know; I was unaware.
As I shuffled to the kitchen in my underwear.

I poured some cereal, to start my day
Rich in calcium and vitamin K.

Opening the drawer where spoons are kept
My foggy brain was feeling inept.

Confused I unlocked the china hutch.
What? I didn’t use spoons this much!

Still I checked the sink and the drainer.
Only a cup and a knife were in those containers.

Now I was getting angry at this unfairness!
Realizing my loss with growing awareness.

But, then I remembered my plastic stash!
And ran to the junk drawer in a flash.

But wouldn’t you know, that evil goon!
Had also taken each plastic spoon!

I sat on the floor, startingHamburglar to cry.
That evil spoon-thief was just too spry.

My cereal was soaked, and soggy too.
My brain felt slow- like Elmer’s glue.

But that was not all the thief left in his wake.
Obviously there’s more here than spoons at stake.

My kitchen drawer was packed with pain.
It crawled over my body with undaunted reign.

Fatigue and sleepless nights filled my hutch.
This was all adding up to be a bit too much.

And in the junk drawer, what did I find?
Anger and sorrow assaulting my mind.

But all is not lost.  Hope is still to be found.
Look- under the microwave! Smooth and round!

Knight symbolA spork tucked away like a knight in white armor.
Who knew a utensil could be such a charmer?

It is not the best and I will have to plan ahead.
With its bent prongs, that doesn’t need to be said.

But it is better than nothing, and all mine you see.
And with it in hand, there’ll be Fruity Pebbles for me.

Did you know there was a Spork movie? Here’s…Johnny! I mean the movie logo.

So – what is your favorite type of spoon and why?  Post your response in the comment section below.  

Besides the spork, I personally have a fondness for soup spoons.  I love their extra-round goodness.  And I really love soup!


17 thoughts on “Spoon Thief: A Humorous Poem Based on the Spoon Theory, an Explanation of Chronic Conditions

  1. Pingback: Spoon! | Bottled Time

    • I really like when you eat slower. It means that maybe you make it into my appetizer before you’re done -lol. (Mike is my husband…I eat slow and have lots of bathroom trips.) I also like your comparison of my spoons being like slotted spoons. They take more energy to eat with and food just runs right through them.

  2. My spoon preferences depend on the purpose, but I generally default to the tablespoon. I like teaspoons for oatmeal, non-granola’d yogurt, ice cream, coffee, and water ice. I like the look of a soup spoon, but the shape doesn’t work with my mouth.

    • I really only use soup spoons for soup. But I love that there is a spoon just for that purpose! I think I really latched onto this during my big bouts of nausea and my many prescribed liquid diets. It made the repetitive soup special.

      I do like that you separate out non-granola’d yogurt. 🙂

  3. My favorite spoons are from my grandmother’s silver. I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis in August and can relate to the Spoon Theory. After being diagnosed I polished up the silver and placed most of the spoons in a vase on the counter to remind me to choose my spoons wisely for the day. I then took the rest of the spoons and silver and placed them in the silverware drawer. My daughter and I use them on a daily basis now to remind us that every day is special and they shouldn’t be saved for a special occasion.

    • I love the idea of the vase of spoons! My mom also taught me to use good dishes for everyday occasions. They really do bring an extra feeling of special. Sometimes I’ll even use them for things like pizza.

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  9. Great poem, it was me today, searching for spoons, but alas no joy. I have some large teaspoons a friend sent me, larger than a normal one but smaller than a dessert spoon, perfect for everything…except soup, I have one special spoon for that 🙂 xXx

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